It snowed pretty good here the past day or so. The weatherman called for 10 inches – seems about right. Playing in the snow so far included shoveling out my car, making a snow angel and taking pictures. Sledding and building a snowman were on my list but I figured I’d wait on those until friends wanted to play too.
—————-
Now playing: Switchfoot – Awakening
via FoxyTunes
Last night I watched Awakenings, an older film from 1990 long been residing on my list of “I’d like to watch that someday, but its not to pressing right now.”
The movie tells an emotive story of a shut-in doctor, scared to engage with those around him. Taking a job caring for patients whom have been comatose for decades after surviving an encephalitis epidemic, proves first to challenge these tendencies. His gentleness and care with the patients tells of a deeply sensitive and caring man isolated by social insecurity. Upon trying an experimental drug his patients begin to awake from their coma-like-state hardly aware they had been gone. The gift of life, the simple things – taking a walk, dancing, singing are celebrated as they stir to life. The greatest awakening though happens in the doctor, who begins to live. To risk and engage with those around him.
Watching the movie provided an almost out-of-body experience, almost like watching the past years of my life. The doctor and I share some of the same story, a heart isolated but rescued to begin beating once again.
I was attempting to clean my room this morning when I came across a letter I wrote myself about 3 years ago at Ignite:
“God, you rescued my heart this conference. The process you began months ago by showing me the hardness of my heart and how closed off it has become has peaked here and now. Thank you for drawing me out and revealing wounds in my life and reasons for the state of my heart. You’ve brought me to the point where I am so completely frustrated with being emotionally cold to those around me and alone that I have no choice but to change. Hurting is at least feeling so at this point I’m ready to start the painful journey of healing. I want to live from a heart fully alive.”
Ignite closing reflections 2004
Three years have passed since my pen bled those words, life has taken me many places since then, but God’s leading has never been so apparent. This road is one of heart rescue.
—————-
Now playing: Eisley – Brightly Wound
via FoxyTunes
I’m not in the habit of over-sharing on this blog, nor vagary – some might refute that. Life has been sweet as of late:
“There’s this girl.
That I know.
That I see
in my dreams at night.See her smile.
Hold her hand.
Touch her face
I know she cares.
She cares.”
~ Slingshot57
I haven’t listened to this song in years – probably since I was a freshmen in college. Yet, as sleep begins to swallow me, it has crept into my head.
It makes me smile and makes me hope for sweet dreams.
—————-
Now playing: Slingshot 57 – Crystal’s Song
via FoxyTunes
While working intently on his paper, Ben came across this website: Free Rice I thought it a wonderful idea – I play a game (and develop my vocabulary) the outcome of which feeds hungry people around the world.
Now, I don’t need a game to remind me that my vocabulary isn’t much larger than that of a high school senior, but I’ll do my best to feed the poor and needy.
I played for about 10 minutes this evening and donated 300 grains of rice and received a vocab score of 42. Watch out Freerice.org, tomorrow is a Friday and I have a full work day to spend donating rice 🙂
I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of identity in the past weeks – how I define who I am. The question of identity digs deep at my core, dragging up past hurts, wounds and ways I am not quite whole. Resting in who I am, not what I do or have to offer can be quite a challenge. Etched deep into my soul is the idea that I am the hat I wear. I am a Home Fellowship Leader, I am an engineer, I am a missionary.
This is how we talk isn’t it? The backward thing about this: those are things I do, not who I am. They are not my identity and when I’ve made them my identity my world crumbles at the slightest failure or missed opportunity.
We are so much more than what we do or have to offer. As sons and daughters of the Most High King we are beautifully and wonderfully made in His image, we are heirs, and this is not because we are super-spiritual Jesus followers with impressive resumes.
I need to be reminded of my sonship often, if not daily. For far to often I forget and rest on what I do and have to offer as my identity.
He came into the very world he created, but the world didn’t recognize him. 11 He came to his own people, and even they rejected him. But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God. They are reborn—not with a physical birth resulting from human passion or plan, but a birth that comes from God.
John 1:10-13
God caught me this morning as I rushed through my morning routine – caught me and slowed me, reminding me that I am His son, to choose that hat today. I needed that.
Awhile back I posted saying I’d like to do a series of posts on the Illini Life Fall Retreat. It took sometime for the audio to make it up online and when it did I found myself to be to busy to write much. Not that I’m less busy now – just feel guilty that I failed to do what I said I would. So here goes…
Wayne Wager kicked off the retreat with a teaching about “Spiritual Insecurity”. I thought it powerful hearing one of our pastors share about how he can feel spiritually insecure. Wayne related stories of early years in ministry and early years as a follower of Jesus – telling of how he didn’t feel as if he lived up to the spiritual norm of the folks in this church and how some didn’t expect he’d stay long. By God’s grace and blessing they were wrong – Wayne now co-pastors this campus church and I’m thankful for his wisdom and care.
The curveball for me in this teaching, what caught me off guard – Wayne talked about how we can feel insecure about being spiritual around non-believers. To confess, this is often the case for me and I had yet to think of it in terms of spiritual insecurity. The feeling looks a bit like this:
You are out at Murphy’s for lunch with your co-workers on a Wednesday. The conversation strays from work, to sports, to video games, to cars and then finally to the taboo topics: politics and religion. You have much to contribute on the matter of religion, but don’t contribute much for fear you might be perceived as a fanatic. “Don’t stand-out, blend in and be normal” One guy speaks up about how he believes Christianity is the only true path to God, you summon enough courage to agree, but that’s all you say.
That was today, I was spiritually insecure today.
You can listen to Wayne’s teaching here.
—————-
Now playing: Madeleine Peyroux – You’re Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go
via FoxyTunes
A new Nooma was released today, the eighteenth in the series. Those of you that heard me speak at Illini Life Summer Church or at the Fall Retreat might find some of the material familiar. This Nooma is a bit of a summary of a couple of life changing teachings I’ve listened to frequently by Rob Bell.
For the next 48 hours you can watch the NOOMA for free on their MySpace page.
It was good to be reminded of these truths today.
“I Shall Not Walk Alone”
By Ben Harper
Battered and torn
still I can see the light
tattered and worn
but I must kneel to fightFriend of mine
what can’t you spare
I know some times
it gets cold in thereWhen my legs no longer carry
and the warm wind chills my bones
I reach for Mother Mary
and I shall not walk aloneHope is alive
while we’re apart
only tears
speak from my heart
break the chains
that hold us down
and we shall be
forever boundWhen I’m tired and weary
and a long way from home
I reach for Mother Mary
and I shall not walk aloneBeauty that
we left behind
how shall we
tomorrow findSet aside
our weight in sin
so that we
can live againWhen my legs no longer carry
and the warm wind chills my bones
I reach for Mother Mary
and I shall not walk alone
I’ve recently gotten into Ben Harper. He’s an artist I’ve heard a lot about and respect simply because friends I respect like him. Matt Wondra’s brother moved in with us a couple weeks back and loaned me one of Ben Harper’s Albums “Will To Live”. After listening through a couple of times I’ve come to really love this album. It’s beautiful and this track is pure poetry in it’s simplicity.
We shall not walk alone for the God of all creation walks beside us.
Illinois has mountains too… well sorta. This is Camel Rock in the Garden of the Gods, part of Shawnee National Forest in Southern Illinois.
In a few short minutes I’ll be on the road with my twin brother Chris headed for Harrisburg, IL. We’ll be spending the next 3 1/2 days hiking a small section of the River to River trail – specifically we are destined for The Garden of the Gods.
I’m excited to have a chance to retreat and spend some refreshing simplistic time with God. I pray He meets with me as I walk through creation and communions with me as I drink deep of His beauty.
See you in a few days.
Typically after a marathon I tend to struggle more with feeling down and emotional – some runners have a term for this, Post Marathon Depression. While I’m not sure I’d call it depression – certainly there is a great feeling of lose and emptiness. In one respect you reached the goal through months of training, uplifting. Then there is the emptiness of not having a goal to strive for, not having a motivation to get back on the road and put in the miles. In addition you have the physical limitation; your body simply needs to recover and your legs can be mad at you for sometime. Typically my body needs about 2 weeks to recover and feel up to pounding the road again.
Reviewing previous years it shouldn’t come as a surprise that the past weeks have been pretty tough emotionally and felt so exhausting. Periodically I’ve felt overwhelmed with emotion – making it hard to be around friends or even complete my work.
Yesterday I noticed the hours of sunlight dwindling, like they do each fall, and that made me sad. Soon it’ll be dark when I go to work in the morning and dark when I get off. Over the years I’ve heard claims that sunlight helps fight depression, so I’ve made it a point to get outside today – visiting some of the buildings I’m networking. Surprising how much better I feel just from getting to see the sun a bit – how much more hopeful life seems. It excites me and reminds me of this idea of God being light and us as followers being salt and light.
I have come as a light to shine in this dark world, so that all who put their trust in me will no longer remain in the dark. ~ Jesus (John 12:46)
—————-
Now playing: Derek Webb – This Too Shall Be Made Right
via FoxyTunes
You are currently browsing the archives for the Light category.
Greg Van Nada
VERY COOL Love you, Dad
On Mission in Haiti and Memphis / nicknamy.net
[...] some of you may have noticed in our last update letter Illini Life sent off two different missions teams
Desiree
Ahahah! Such a funny commercial!
Support Raising: By the numbers / nicknamy.net
[...] back I posted giving a brief rundown of the process of raising support most missionaries go through. It’s a
nick
Generousee seems a fitting word, surprised we made it this far without it. :-) Thanks for the prayers and kind words
